Maddenation

Father’s Day

It all began about 35 years ago, the day I knew I was falling in love with your mother. It was a Sunday, and a large bunch of us GIs were lined up at a long table for a free dinner at Cardinal Spellman’s Serviceman’s Club, Park Avenue, New York. She walked up behind me and kind of pinched me in the ribs and said something like, “Hi there, buddy,” and in that instant, I knew she was as interested in me as I was in her. She immediately continued on to the kitchen where she was on duty. Couldn’t tarry too long with one of the guests; that would have been noticeably against the rules. But that little pinch was enough to set things in motion. I was on my way to becoming a father.

Liz complemented me in almost every way, outgoing where I was introspective, energetic where I was lethargic. She became the kind of mother who wouldn’t stand for me being the lackadaisical father I wanted to be, but pushed me to be a better father than I though I could be. It still seems like she did most of the work. Pretty lucky, I say.

When Patrick, III was born, I was still not finished learning to be a husband, but the fates promoted me to the next stage anyway. I remember watching him through the window of the hospital nursery after his 36-hour birthing process. I starred at his little hand, opening and closing as he slept, and thought two things: I’m a father and his hand looks too big. He’s bigger than I now am, and smarter. He’s writing a book. Once, because I told him to, he became the valedictorian of his high school class. In his speech, he talked about Tienaman Square and wondered how he would react to being tested as those students were. Quite a kid, I thought.

Kathleen was born a couple years later; another hard delivery for mom. When it was over, I thought: a girl, how perfect. I remember what a beautiful baby she was, sitting in the stroller on the patio of our Morristown home in her green and white dress. When she was older, she liked to hold my thumbs and walk up my legs to do back flips, and I knew she’d be an athlete. In high school she excelled and had many friends, but never developed that adolescent discomfort with her parents that most kids do. She is a special education teacher now, in California, where she always dreamed she’d go. Once, she won a scholarship to study Spanish in Venezuela and climbed an ice-capped mountain. Wow, I thought.

David joined us a few years after Kate. We called him “Happy” as he sat smiling in his crib, taking it all in. I still remember the time this crazy little kid couldn’t control his laughter as I screamed wildly at Patrick, Kathleen, and him for jumping on the bed and creating a ruckus. Next thing you know, I was laughing too, and we were all wrestling together on the bed. When he was older, David started asking questions, good questions, and has never stopped. He developed into a great athlete and student too, and now teaches science at a Jesuit High School in Chicago. Once, when he was in high school, he was brave enough to stop another student from attacking a teacher with a pair of scissors. That’s pretty brave, I thought.

A few years latter, Daniel was born, with the whitest hair and quickest feet of them all. I remember him as tiger cub, hiking with me in the Louisiana woods. Like all of his siblings before him, he is an athlete and a scholar. He was quiet as a child, but has long since come out of his shell to do impersonations of Ethyl Merman and Neal Diamond for his dad. He has a degree in graphic design, and is headed to Chicago to join his brother Dave and find his way as a designer. Once, in a high school talent show, he sat on the edge of the stage and sang a song for the audience. Pretty talented kid, I thought.

By and by, Patrick brought us Karina, another American whose childhood in faraway Uruguay I unfortunately missed. She is bright and beautiful, and won Patrick’s heart by solving puzzles. She loves games and learning and shopping. She has taught me other points of view about the U.S.A, and likes to learn the meanings of English words. Once, when she was young, she loved exploring secret places in the woods near her house, where she would find wild vegetables for her mother. Most importantly, she has become the mother of my two grandchildren, Pato and Adi, who have brought me great joy. That’s pretty amazing, I think.

So here it is Father’s day, and I’m thinking they’ve got this thing backwards. Heck, I’m the luckiest father who ever was, and I ought to be thanking all of you for making my life so full and blessed. So thanks to Liz, for being my better half for all these years, and bringing me such exemplary children. And thank you Patrick and Karina, Kathleen, David, and Daniel for teaching me about love and for living your lives so vigorously. As I think about all of you, I couldn’t be happier.

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