Maddenation
Golf
I played golf today. First, I got up at 5:00 a.m. to pick up Kathleen at Newark after her red-eye flight from San Diego. Than, after getting her bags and driving home, I called Bruce Barratt to have him pick me up. We had an 8:30 tee-time at Sunset Valley golf course (isn’t that also a Ranch dressing?). I have been playing well lately, so I started trash talking immediately about how the tenors (Bruce and I) were going to beat the basses (Bob Smith and Dick Larkin).
At the first tee, I didn’t warm up enough and hit a low drive that barely made it to the beginning of the fairway. However, the hole is only 350 yards long, so I still had a chance to hit the green in two. Which I did, by blasting a great, straight 5-wood to the lower left portion of the green. OK, I three-putted from there, but it was a tough green. I’ll take that 5 any day.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to give you a shot-by-shot description of the round, but a few highlights (and I use that term loosely) are in order. I took a bad 7 on #2, but came back with a par on the par-3 third. Then I hit a great drive (again with my 5-wood) on the 4th, and proceeded to watch my game begin to fall apart. It’s not that I scored badly immediately; I actually saved myself for a few holes with good chips and putts. But overall, I could feel myself loosing control. If there was any doubt, the 9th hole proved it. I hit a high “sky-ball” off the tee that landed to the right of the fairway, putting me behind some big trees. I tried to hit my second shot over the trees toward the green, but got under the ball and popped it into a pine tree about 50 yards in front of me. For the next shot, I had to stand in the pine tree with its branches all around me so I could barely see the ball. My backswing was interrupted by branches, and when I struck at the ball, it moved about an inch. I swung again and this time got the ball out from under the tree, but not much further. My fifth, sixth, and seventh shots each traveled about 20 yards, the last one taking me to the green. I 2-putted for a nine. Cheez.
The back nine started pretty well, but soon deteriorated. I did get another par on the relatively easy 13th, but the 16th was a disaster. I started out by slicing a long drive into the 17th fairway. After waiting for two women to hit their shots, I tried to hit a high one over the trees and back to my fairway, but again I took a huge divot under the ball and popped it into rather than over the trees. To make things worse, I couldn’t find the ball, so I had to take a 2-stroke penalty and drop another ball on the fairway. The hole is a par 5, so I was still a long way from the green. I hit a nice, long 3-wood that drifted a little too far right and caught some leaves on the trees that border the rough. Although it looked like a good shot, and the leaves didn’t seem to slow the ball much, the ground in that area slopes off to the right and then into denser woods, and apparently my ball kicked right and entered the deep, dark forest. I didn’t find that ball either, so I dropped another one on the fairway and added another 2 strokes to my score (now at 7). I flubbed another couple shots getting to the green and eventually got about an 11. I say “about” because when your score is that high, who can say for sure? I finished with an 8 and a 6 for a 57 one the back nine and a 112 for the day.
So my score today was 28 strokes worse than my score on a similar course a couple weeks ago. That’s one-and-a-half strokes PER HOLE! How does this happen? How can I be hitting the ball so well even earlier this week and then lose all coordination in my arms and legs? Golf really is a stupid game. The difference between a great shot and one that flies inexplicably 100 yards out-of-bounds is that the first one you hit correctly and the second one you hit one micro-inch off the sweet spot. Meanwhile I’m sweating like a, like a, like what’s an animal that really sweats a lot? A horse? Sweat is running off my hat in a small stream that only breaks into droplets about two feet down from the rim. (Ask Dave to explain that one.) My towel is completely soaked, as are my shirt, undershirt, pants, underpants, socks, and shoes. And I’m not kidding. (Ask Dave about that too. Or Kate, who saw me when I got back home.)
But then there was that incredible long, straight 3-wood I hit on the par-5 7th, just before I hit the four iron that slid a little bit to the right and careened down the rock cliff that borders the green. I mean that 3-wood was great, and I’d like to repeat it. Maybe that will happen the next time I play, or the time after that. Some day, when the humidity is less than 100% and my arms and legs get their act back together again.
Oh, by the way, the tenors (Bruce and I) lost the match. Each team won 7 holes, so we were tied in match play after 18, but the basses’ total score was one stroke better than the tenors’. We suspect they cheated.
Dad • News • 07/24/03 • 0 comments
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